What is a situationship, you ask? According to the “slang” section of dictionary.com (sidenote: did anyone know this was a thing?? Like urban dictionary but “classier” maybe??), a situationship “is often discussed as being similar to a friends-with-benefits relationship, which usually involves sexual activity without a commitment to be exclusive to each other. The definition further explains that “a situationship is often described as a relationship that is more than friendship but less than a committed relationship.” So what are we to do if we find ourselves in one of these? Below are some ideas!
If you are happy in your situationship…
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Do nothing
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Sometimes both partners are genuinely satisfied without the commitment of a relationship headed in the direction of monogamy, moving in together, marriage, or whatever else commitment may look like to you. Sometimes you are just in the early stages of dating and trying to determine whether the person you are dating is a person you want to commit to long-term. Situationships are not all bad as long as you feel respected, supported, and cared for as you figure out what you want for you.
If you are unhappy with your situationship…
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Communicate
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Have a conversation with the person you are dating about what you are looking for in a relationship. Make some time to hear what they want too. If they are not looking to commit (again, whatever this may look like for you) and you have been dating for a while (say 6 months?), it might mean time to move on, especially if after the conversation they are clear they are content with where things are at.
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Self Reflect
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Why is it that you find yourself in something that doesn’t feel right to you? Did this feeling just start? Did the person you are dating warn you that they do not want commitment but you proceeded anyway hoping to change their mind? Does it feel like you have always been in relationships in which the person you are with “doesn’t like you as much as you like them”? Are you afraid of commitment too and are trying to point at someone else as the one “slowing things down”? Do you feel like you don’t deserve commitment even though that is what you are really longing for?
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Seek Support
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After attempting to communicate and taking some time to reflect, it might be time to get some support. Sometimes we need to go to therapy to process through some trauma or unhealthy relational patterns that are leaving us stuck doing what we don’t want to do. Sometimes we can seek out couples therapy to help resolve any underlying issues that may be getting in the way of the relationship moving in the direction you want it to. It is so difficult to feel like your relationship is not what you want it to be and you deserve the time and space to sit with someone who can help support you.
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At the end of the day, you need both partners to feel like the relationship is safe, fair and loving for it to actually work out. If you are feeling frustrated, unloved, and not prioritized the majority of the time, it might be time to get out of that situationship! Relationships are supposed to feel pretty good the majority of the time (like 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction it has been suggested).
If you are looking for some support to deal with this (either as an individual or as a couple), feel free to schedule a 20 minute free consultation with our Therapist Matchmaker. She would be happy to get you connected to either me or one of our other therapists who provide individual therapy, couples therapy or couples intensives!
