Calendar filling up with events? Booking those tickets back to your hometown? A familiar sense of anxiety creeping in? You’re not alone. As the lights and holiday spirit go up around town, many of us are faced with less-than-festive feelings.
Some of us are asked to revisit physical spaces, interact with people, and participate in activities that incite trauma memories. Some of us find ourselves split off from the joy and connection we see around us and long for happier times. Understandably, these situations can bring up sadness, grief, anger, loneliness, anxiety, numbness, and many other uncomfortable emotions.
The triggers all around us may very well derive from early childhood or adolescent memories we thought we healed from, and yet we find ourselves feeling or behaving in ways we would have back then.
“Connecting deeper with our inner child could seem like the last thing we need, when in fact this connection could offer exactly the insight and inspiration we need to have the holiday season we’re craving.”
If you find yourself in the throes of big, uncomfortable feelings heading into this holiday season, here’s a play-by-play to create more peace and joy by connecting with your inner child.
Carve out intentional time to connect
Maybe you have a journaling or a meditation practice. Maybe you have your deepest thoughts in the shower or when you’re just chilling before bed. Carve out some time to be present with yourself whenever and however it is best for you to drop in.
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Turn toward your inner child with openness, non-judgment, and patience. Establish your present self as a safe and trustworthy figure for the younger parts of you that are activated during the holidays.
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Inquire about what’s coming up for your inner child. What do they fear? What’s the worst-case scenario? What would it say about them if that did happen? How would it feel if that happened? Explore the deeper truths these big feelings are carrying.
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Validate these responses. Your inner child has developed these fears to stay safe and avoid pain; they are adaptive. Offering validating and affirming words can be supportive.
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Get curious about what these younger parts of you need. How would they rather be feeling? What would make them feel safe? What do they need more or less of? How do they envision a joyful or peaceful holiday season? Collaborate with your inner child to brainstorm ways to bring that vision or a compromised version of it into reality.
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Offer your inner child soothing words, alternate perspectives, unconditional love and positive regard, and commitment to ongoing presence. Only you know what your inner child needs to hear.
Take aligned action
This part is crucial! Build trust with your inner child by following through on what you learned. Advocate for them with actions big and small that show you heard them and have got their back.
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Regulate your nervous system before you encounter triggers. Some of us prefer breathwork while others prefer walks in nature or other movement. Whatever you find most grounding, commit to practicing those techniques leading up to an event so that you can stay more grounded when triggers emerge.
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Identify resources for creating in-the-moment safety and grounding. Using your five senses is always available: is there a soft, comforting object nearby? Can you detect any soothing scents? Is it possible to put on your favorite song or tune into the sound of your breath? Is there art on the walls or beautiful flowers to gaze at? Can you find something flavorful or nourishing to taste? Is there a more safe or calming person you can be around?
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Set and maintain boundaries with your energy, with people, and with places. Give yourself permission to speak up, walk away, or leave if someone’s words don’t land well. Establish a hard-out from that party/gathering so you limit your time in activating places or with triggering people.
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Focus on glimmers instead of triggers. Actively choose to experience the delight, freedom, and playfulness that you may not have gotten to as a child. Your favorite song come on? – dance! Want that second helping of your favorite pie? – dig in! Give yourself permission to indulge in safe, freeing ways.
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Create new memories for yourself. Get inspired by your connection with your inner child by co-creating the vision for the holiday season or life in general that they shared with you. Establish rituals that become traditions.
“If you’re reading this right now, you’ve survived 100% of your worst days and came out the other end stronger and wiser.”
Chances are you’ve learned a thing or two about yourself and what you would’ve preferred along the way. Why not create that reality by focusing on controlling the controllable and giving yourself what you want, need, and deserve this holiday season? You’ve got this.
